Reality Sucks Read online

say she gets nothing and must vacate the property at once.

  Six minutes later:

  Mr. Twilterwaller: You have no DNA charts with Brenda Mae Twilterwaller’s DNA to test and there will be none taken, so your threat is meaningless. Expect a summons.

  He laughed, and sent:

  Mr. Thrasher: When Brenda was born the fact that I had possible genetic problems caused Dr. Edinger to ask that we have her genetic records to see if she carried any problematical factors. I was not compared at that time, but the chart was made and I have a copy I gave to Dr. Pendergas for comparison. Guess what?

  He didn’t expect any fast answer to that. He made up the part where he had a copy, though he could get one very easily from the lab in Templeton, where the test was made. He made up Dr. Pendergas, too, but Thrasher was lying, so that gave him license, the way he saw it.

  He went on his route for the afternoon and went out for a few beers that night. He met a really nice-looking woman, even in her work clothes and with no make-up, about thirty, who he liked. she had a great sense of humor and was open to suggestions of how to spend her time. She didn’t mean beddy-bye. That would wait until she knew him and would happen or it wouldn’t.

  Lorna Kingsley. He arranged to see her Saturday night for a dinner and the live band at the plantation house.

  Next day, while he was painting the front of the house, Louise and Charley Gordon drove in and wanted to talk to him. It was about his situation in Shoreville.

  “Situation in Shoreville? I don’t have any situation in Shoreville anymore.”

  “Eileen Fabers is my cousin,” Louise announced.

  “I don’t think I remember ... isn’t she that dark-haired woman who lives over the ... oh, yeah! Brenda and her daughter are friends or something.”

  “Eileen called and said that you abandoned Madge and Brenda. You left them destitute! That is hardly the impression you gave us!” Charlie snapped. “The Bible tells us what will happen to people like you.”

  “I left them with the title to the farm and about eight thousand dollars in the bank. That’s hardly destitute.”

  “Bur Brenda’s at the age she has expenses. She is isolated from her friends. That is not acceptable!” Louise spat.

  “Well, number one, twenty two isn’t all that expensive a time. She weighs over two hundred pounds at five seven. She is lazy and doesn’t bother to keep herself or the place she inhabits clean. She is isolated by her own choice and has no friends because of her personality.

  “Number two, it’s none of your goddamned business!”

  “Here! Here! There’s no need for this blasphemy or to let this get out of hand!” Charlie cried. “We are concerned for the welfare of our neighbors back home, particularly family!”

  “What the HELL!?? FAMILY!?? It has nothing to do with your family!”

  “ER, well, um,” Charlie replied. “The reality, uh, is that it might – indirectly! – have some, er, concern, if you will, with a member or, er, um.”

  “Reality sucks. There’s no way ... unless ... My god! YOU’RE the father of Brenda!?”

  “EEP! NO!” Louise cried. “You see, my brother is ... his position, you see, and Madge is threatening ... Charlie, we aren’t part of this! We should stay away from this type of people!”

  “Your brother?”

  “Uh, her brother is Reverend Lucas. You can see....”

  “WHAT? You want me to give that thing I was married to everything I have because your BROTHER is a two-bit phony excuse for a trifling preacher! Are you totally insane or just amazingly stupid?!”

  “Come on, Louise! I suppose Bubba, here, needs a lesson about life’s little realities!” He took a swing at Harry, who ducked and came up to deliver a fast roundhouse to the side of the head. Charlie dropped to his knees. Harry looked at Louise, who was standing there like (a flashback) Miki, with the hand to the mouth and wide-eyed.

  “Reality sucks. You two get off of this property or I’ll have you arrested. Come back when you can’t stay so long.

  “Bad idea. Don’t come back.” He turned and went inside.

  Was he in some kind of space warp or something? This couldn’t be happening!

  The Gordons drove away. He went out to finish painting. The place really was elegant when it was fixed up. He would restore the original landscaping and put a load of pea gravel on the drive. It would look like 1868, when the place was originally built.

  He finished the painting and was putting the supplies away when the sheriff drove in and came to ask if he was H. H. Twilterwaller.

  “Uh-huh. What?”

  He handed Harry an arrest warrant. For assault and battery, threats and slander.

  Harry grinned at the sheriff, who tried to hide a grin, himself. “Gordon? Really?”

  “Ain’t they a trip? Statement from her took more than an hour and a half. He swore it was true to avoid having to give one, himself. She sort of got carried away, so you can explain why he has a black eye and I’ll let it lay until it gets to court, if they don’t drop it.

  “I’m Carey Hanks, local gendarme.”

  “Harry. Together we’re Harry-Carey.

  “Okay. Bad pun, but that’s the only kind I know.

  “Charlie tried to get me to pay off my ex-wife so it won’t come out that Louise’s brother, the Right Reverend Lucas, knocked up my wife and I’ve raised their daughter for the past twenty three years. I said he was insane, at best, to even suggest anything like that. He was going to teach me a lesson. I ducked and smacked him, then told them not to come back here or they’d be arrested.”

  “He swung at you, first? He said you hit him when he didn’t even expect it for no reason, except that you are an atheist and didn’t like for him to say anything from the Bible about what happens to perverts who abuse their own children.”

  “Did he actually say anything like that BS in a sworn written statement? Really?”

  “She did. He swore it was true. It’s not the first time she’s gone out into oogy-boogy land about someone. She thinks, because they’re so rich, she can get away with anything. She’ll cause you trouble. They’re big shits at the country club and such. They’re just pains in the ass for me.”

  “So. They’re rich? Why don’t they pay off my ex?”

  “I guess they want to keep their names out of it. Who knows?”

  “Well, maybe we can bring a little more reality into their lives, huh?”

  Palm slap time!

  A Little Reality

  Things went along a little more tranquilly for awhile. He dated Lorna Kingsley several times. They got along a lot better than just well. She had divorced a cheating, violent husband and he had ditto with ex-wife.

  When she dressed up, she was really beautiful. It turned out she used to be a spokeswoman for a home appliance company. She could make the tone of her voice say a lot of things the words didn’t.

  He finished the outside of the house and had the landscaping looking very authentic for the period. Lorna had a very strong sense of design, where he would just try to copy pictures. He had the entrance to the river dredged out to its original depth and built a good dock. He liked the water and the river went into the bay, then into the gulf. He got a 16' MasterCraft with a sixty five horse Yamaha engine.

  He got his first bonus. He thought there was a mistake. fifteen hundred, maybe, with a misplaced period. It actually was fifteen thousand! He was the top salesman in the southeast! He also got a raise of two hundred a week! Merry Christmas!

  He traded in the MasterCraft for a 32' HarborCraft.

  He bought a BMW, trading in the 4 year old Honda he bought when he moved to Florida. He carried a platinum ATM card!

  On the 1st of January, he married Lorna. They decided the perfect place for a honeymoon was right there in what was actually a mansion in paradise to them.

  On the 6th of January he got the notice that he was being sued by the Gordons. He had become friends with Carey. They went fishing together a lot. Carey had a fu
n wife and a son just ten years old. Carey brought the summons – and a copy of the statement.

  “My wife’s uncle is a civil lawyer. He’s run across Gordon before. He had a suit by him dropped when he could prove the statement was false that led to it. They’re so rich they think they can buy off anyone. They spout all that Jesus crap when they’re slandering everybody around them.”

  Harry got in touch with William Hallowell, the lawyer, got an appointment, and took what he had. Carey had told Bill about the statement.

  Hallowell read over the pages, an evil grin growing as he turned the pages.

  “She slandered about anyone she ever met, didn’t she?”

  “Well, isn’t the fact that it is in a written sworn statement libel, not slander?”

  “Uh-huh. And definite deformation. How much should we counter sue for?”

  “How much can we get?”

  “Twenty five percent?”

  “Sounds like a winner!”

  “Oh, it’s definitely a winner!”

  “A million?”

  “Fifty million, but we’ll settle out of court for thirty. They have insurance, but I think the way she went on will mean they only pay a percent.”

  “How much will we collect?”

  “About twenty six, after expenses and all that.”

  “I can scrape by on that!”

  They shook hands. Harry went home to wait four days until trial.

  “Mrs. Gordon, is it true that you were called to the home of Mr. Twilterwaller to discuss his ex-wife and daughter and to arrange for their welfare, when Mr. Twilterwaller suddenly cursed and attacked your husband because he mentioned the Bible and what....” Bernard Benson,