Reality Sucks Read online

preacher, half the jury of four women and two men looked shocked. Bill had told him that, if they got a jury like that, with middle-aged church women, the Gordons were dead in the water if it came out that Harry had been tricked into supporting a child not his own – by a supposed man of God! The “Part of my life” would be a good line to lay on them.

  “I am shocked that a ... can you prove ... I don’t....

  “Mr. Twilters, what about the whores she accused you of ... consorting with?” She made the “she” almost a curse in itself.

  “I am at a loss. I do not believe in ... well, I know there are situations where a girl may be forced ... I don’t know what that was about! It is a slander and a lie! I do NOT consort with those poor unfortunate people! (Bill said to knock it off or he’d lose them, just under his breath.)

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t let those kinds of ... I apologize. That was uncalled for. It is just so humiliating to hear such accusations. I am married to a fine and moral woman. There is no way ... I’m sorry for my outburst.”

  The woman sat down and looked around. A man stood, and said, “Did you know that the girl was not your daughter?”

  “Well, yes and no. I had a doctor’s diagnosis that I have a low sperm count and that I could probably never be a father. It was just barely possible. I didn’t KNOW until Madge’s lawyer said there would be no DNA test. If she was my daughter, there is no way SHE wouldn’t demand the test. She was over twenty one and was the one to have the say as to that. It tells me she knew I wasn’t her father.

  “When she was born, there was a genetic trait test because of my own genetic problems, such as the low sperm count. It was simple for (Bill was wide-eyed. Wrong tack!) my lawyer, in Missouri, to get her chart and have it compared, though I kind of wish I’d have never found out the truth.”

  The man nodded and sat. (Later, Harry learned that the man’s brother was caught in a scam by a girl who had a baby she claimed was his. A DNA test proved it wasn’t.)

  “Anything further?” Collins asked. There wasn’t, so she recessed for the jury to deliberate about penalties. Bill took Harry and Lorna to lunch at a good restaurant. “After all, I’m going to make a couple mil off of you, minimum!”

  Bill said the insurance lawyer made a deal where the company would pay 80% if the perjury charges were dropped.

  “Why?” Lorna asked. “They could refuse to pay anything because it was fraud all the way on the part of the Gordons.”

  “And end up spending five times that in court costs fighting their suits that a jury would award them millions, because it’s just a crooked insurance company,” Bill explained.

  It was surprising that the jury was out only during the lunch hour. They had asked the court one question, concerning the assets of the Gordons. Bill said that was a little scary.

  “Why?” Harry asked.

  “They decided the Gordons were attacking Christian values in a case of fraud.”

  “But why scary?”

  “Because that kind of thing means they’ll want to send a warning to all the other hypocrites out there that God will take everything they have away. Then we get appeals and end up with the twenty five mil or so after months in courts.

  “We end up famous or infamous, depending on point of view, through no fault of our own. I wish you hadn’t given that little psychological speech. I REALLY wish you hadn’t apologized for it.”

  When they returned, court was just going back into session. Judge Collins asked if the jury had come to a decision. The woman stood.

  “Your honor, this is getting altogether too much of a crooked scam, where people try to cause others unknowable misery through no fault of their own.

  “Mr. Twilterwaller did no wrong. He, in fact, went a very long way out of his own interests to try to do the right thing in an impossible situation, then that Gordon woman (that was pronounced like she was speaking of the lowest type of slimy garden slug) tries to make money on it by charging him with so many ... it is unacceptable! We read the entire statement she gave to the police, and that her husband (another, even lower slug) swore to the truth of.

  “She even called him a PERVERT! There was never any hint of ... it is unacceptable.

  “We discovered that this is not the first incident where these two ... persons ... have done these atrocious slanders of innocent people.

  “Your honor, we find for the defendant, the plaintiff in the counter suit, one hundred dollars in damages. Additionally, we find in the amount of one hundred million dollars for character assassination and deformation of character!

  “We find the assets of these people amount to more than one hundred eleven million dollars, so this will not leave them in the condition they tried to leave Mr. Twilterwaller, though several of us wished to do exactly that!

  “That is our decision!”

  “So say you all?”

  They all agreed.

  “Court awards penalties as of the suggestion of the jury. Thank you for your time and consideration. You are excused.”

  Lorna said, “I want a new yacht!”

  “Then get a job and earn it!” Harry shot back. They hugged each other for a very long moment. The woman from the jury smiled sweetly at them. Harry went to take her hand and say she was a wonderful, understanding and caring person, and that she would be blessed.

  “I guarantee you that Madge and Brenda will get a share of it. It is not the fault of the girl that her birth ... it is best forgiven and forgotten. I moved on from that. One must not allow such things to fester. I am sure Madge had sought forgiveness in her own way, and that she will receive all the forgiveness she deserves.”

  “You are a good man. May God bless you forever. I will leave you now, knowing we have done the right thing.

  “My dear, you have married a good man. There aren’t that many, anymore. You are blessed.”

  “I know. I thank you so much. It hurt all of us so badly when these awful ... we have to let it go. It’s in the past,” Lorna replied.

  “You are wise, my dear. God bless you!” She walked away with a smile for everyone.

  “You people are sickening!” Bill said. “How about we go to the bar and celebrate with a good cold drink and a couple of those whores you are always running around with?

  “Are you really going to give your ex and not-daughter anything?”

  “What they deserve is all I promised, but I’m such a great guy I’ll give them each a hundred grand to get out of my life and stay out. You can write it up so that, if they try anything in the future, they have to return the hundred grand.”

  “I agree, but it should be a dollar apiece,” Lorna suggested.

  “Be fair! It should be five dollars apiece!” Bill cried.

  “Is this real?” Harry asked.

  “We’ll know in about ten minutes. Here come Franklin, the insurance lawyer.”

  The lawyer came up. “Okay. You did it to me. How much?”

  “What, Harry? Forty mil for you, ten for me? Franklin, here, expected that from the start.”

  “I can live with that, I suppose.”

  They shook hands all around. Franklin said they would pay sixty percent after the Gordons paid the forty.

  “What will we do with the ten percent over?” Lorna asked.

  “Pay the taxes in an agreement,” Franklin replied.

  “Is this real?” Harry repeated.

  “It’s real,” Bill said.

  Back to Reality

  H. H. Twilterwaller laid in the chaise lounge and took a sip of his Haig Scot’s Whiskey on ice, flicked a bit of lint off of his smoking jacket (though he didn’t smoke) and looked out at the fantastic sunset across the river past his yacht.

  He sighed deeply.

  Lorna, his knock-out wife, came onto the deck with a tray of nice little aperitifs from several countries. She had on a nice sun dress that showed her exceptional figure well.

  “Chateau Briand for dinner. I didn’t want to cook anything difficult.”

&
nbsp; She was a master chef, too! She insisted on cooking for him.

  “Want to run down to San Blas for the weekend? I’d like to make a little trip in the new boat. We can come back slow and stop at all the places. Just the two of us. And Freddie (the boat captain).

  “Well, Annette. We can’t ask Freddie to spend that much time away from his wife, and Annette and I buddy around a lot. We’ll have a blast on the islands.”

  “Okay. Sounds like a plan!”

  Sometimes, reality doesn’t suck.